TV Night
by jocular monoceros
Summary: Some of the characters of Naruto spend some 'quality' time together. How? It's TV Night of course! Just a bit of humour with no specific pairings. Sand Siblings are included in the story.


**_TV Night_**

**Author's Note:  
**This is just something I thought up last week when I was watching _House_. Funny thing though, the bit I was thinking about isn't in this chapter and I've got a few ideas as to whether I should just make the other chapter I originally thought of or continue on with whatever else is coming into my head. This is my first story to upload but I've had a go at others; this is just the only one I'm happy to put up right now. Hopefully you'll enjoy it too.  
- jm

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Naruto_ or _House_

_------------_

Naruto looked at the mass of people in front of him, trying to figure out where he could sit. It looked like there was nowhere, really. The couch had been forced to fit almost ten people in place of the suggested accommodation limit of three. If the blonde hadn't known it was there, he would have just assumed there was a pyramid of people sitting in the same spot. Most of the girls were sitting on said couch; all the boys seemed to have been forced to sit on the ground or bring seats from elsewhere. It was simply one of those rare nights where they could all spend some quality time together but tonight was particularly special; it was TV night. Annoyance growing at the human sandwich that seemed to be missing his spiky blonde head, he stomped before pointing an accusatory finger at the group directly before him.

'Ne, how much space do you want to take up, dattebayo?!' He yelled at the girls.

Unfortunately for him, he seemed to have momentarily forgotten the tempers they'd all inherited from the Fifth Hokage. Ten pairs of angry eyes slowly turned to face him. Naruto's eyes widened as he recognised the murderous intent flowing from each of the kunoichi.

'NANI?!'

'Are you saying we're _fat_, Naruto?!'

'NARUTO!'

'DIE!'

Their screams echoed as some stood up and gathered around Naruto. Ino, Sakura, Ten Ten and Tsunade were the fastest to react, already familiar with Naruto's antics and not caring if he meant it or not. He would pay. Kurenai's eyes widened as she noticed the Hokage left her seat. She shook her head in disapproval.

'That Naruto, he keeps getting himself into trouble when he doesn't even mean to. But I think they're overreacting, don't you, Anko? Anko?'

Kurenai turned to her right to see that the jounin was no longer sitting beside her but stomping her way to Naruto, pushing out any males that stood in her way. Kurenai sweat dropped.

'Guess not then.' She looked around the room to find there was a line to have a turn on the Naruto punching bag. Of course, they'd have to have a form of retrieval for him as well, with Sakura and Tsunade being one of the first ones in the que. Soon enough, Naruto began flying through several walls as first Sakura, then Ino and Tsunade gave him a punch or two. In the line, Kurenai noticed that Ten Ten was next, as well as Anko. The Sand kunoichi, Temari and Matsuri, seemed to be debating between themselves whether or not they should have a go at him as well, considering it seemed he would suffer enough.

'Should we really hurt him, Temari-san?' the younger girl asked.

Temari pondered for a moment.

'I'm not too sure myself, Matsuri. He _did_ insult the female gender and we should defend ourselves after all,' she responded.

'Ahhh so the Sand kunoichi are merciful, thank the Kages! I thought you'd be in line with the rest of them,' came Shizune's friendly voice, before she bellowed, 'Tsunade-Sama! Don't you think that's enough?!'

She hung her head as Tsunade sent Naruto flying out of the small room they were cramped in once more.

Temari and Matsuri watched in amusement. 'It's not that we don't want to, it's just that he's not from our village so we feel out of place doing it, that's all,' Temari explained with a shrug.

'Oh is that all? Go for it, we don't mind,' Anko said, butting in with a mischievous grin, making a couple of practice punches in the air.

'Yeah it's perfectly fine with us,' Ten Ten added, smiling, 'it's for women everywhere, after all!'

After a few more inspirational feminist defending, the kunoichi returned to their seats. Hinata, Kurenai and Shizune, as well as the male population of the room, each had twitching eyes as they witnessed the event unfold.

The boys watched in shock and fear as Naruto became a pile of flesh and bones at the hands of the merciless kunoichi.

'Mental note never to say _that_,' Kiba muttered to Kankurou, who nodded, wide-eyed.

'Why are we here again? We could just watch Naruto get turned into a pulp anywhere else,' Shikamaru drawled.

The angry kunoichi eyes seemed to burn holes into him next. Shikamaru's brilliant mind, sensing danger, thought better than to provoke them more, Chouji's nudging only confirming his inference. He chose to hold his tongue, muttering 'troublesome' so they wouldn't be able to hear him, not even the freakishly sharp hearing some of them seemed to possess whenever he muttered anything against them.

'We're here to watch the latest episode of _House_ of course!' Ino squealed, Sakura grinning in approvement.

'It still amazes me how their moods can swing so easily,' Neji muttered to Lee. 'One minute they're about to tear us all to pieces and the next everything's coloured by sunshine again.' The eyes turned to him next and Neji simply looked away, Lee nodding vigorously and excitedly.

'Shino, do the female gender have an inbuilt fear-sensing capability?' Gaara's monotonous voice asked. 'I notice that Temari and Matsuri seem to know how to scare any male that comes around,' he continued on.

'Some female species of the – '

Before Shino could answer, Kakashi had clamped his mouth shut, muttering, 'don't say anything about females of _any_ species when you see fire and daggers surrounding any female within a 100 mile radius!'

Of course it was okay for _Gaara_ to say it! He had an ultimate defence! People used to be so afraid of him, and now he was the _Kazekage_! He had status and power and no-one ever dared to say anything against him. It should have been unfair, really, that Gaara would be safe from their wrath.

'OUCH!'

Gaara's voice filled the room as he rubbed his head in annoyance, turning to glare at whoever had hit him. Apparently, his ultimate defence didn't work against Matsuri, who glared at him, Temari standing beside him, arms crossed, glaring at her baby brother.

'Gaara-sama, _what_ were you saying?' his young subordinate asked him. Gaara's eyes widened, and he seemed to understand what Kakashi meant by daggers and fire surrounding them.

'N-nothing, Matsuri, nothing at all.'

He watched as the young kunoichi exchanged glances with his older sister. He inwardly cursed himself for letting them spend time together. The wind-user seemed to be rubbing off on Matsuri and that endangered his life even more so.

He could almost hear Kankurou's voice now with his little 'I told you so' tone that aggravated the young Kazekage. Especially when Kankurou had a good reason to say it.

In another corner of the room, Jiraiya rolled his eyes at the events that unfolded.

'JIRAIYA!'

Tsunade's voice bellowed throughout the room. He froze, eyes widening. Did his old friend learn to have eyes in the back of her head too?! He almost expected her to turn around and throw the couch at him. After all the years of knowing her you'd think he'd have learned not to say or do anything in her presence that may spark her notorious temper. Did he say spark? He meant fuel. It was already there. The surrounding males seemed to have taken a few steps away from Jiraiya, expecting that he'd be the next target. After all, the similarities between Naruto and Jiraiya had been pointed out now and then, and considering what happened to Naruto, who still lay sprawled in a corner with a few inches of skin without bumps and bruises, it wouldn't shock anyone if the Legendary Sannin shared the same fate.

'Turn off the lights! It's about to start!' Tsunade continued.

Jiraiya let out the breath he'd held in, having thought it would be his last for a month or so.

'Don't sigh at me! And I know you were rolling your eyes a minute ago! Be thankful it's starting. NOW TURN OFF THE DAMNED LIGHTS!'

In a flash, the lights went out, Jiraiya grimacing. So he _was_ caught.

Tension filled the room, mostly on the boys' part. They had to make sure they said nothing or did nothing that would disrupt the girls' watching or annoy them in any way that would result in ending up like Naruto.

'Gai-sensei, is Naruto dead?' Sai said, not bothering to hide his voice. The older ninja seemed to notice a twitch in the shoulders of the female ninja. He was too afraid to shush him, and hoped instead that he wouldn't say anything. He shook his head at the young shinobi, hoping that would answer his question and shut him up. He nodded to the TV, indicating that he should shut up and watch and hoping the boy would take the hint.

He seemed to miss it or choose to ignore it.

'Interesting. And frightening. The girls seem to have an awf –'

Before he could finish the boys had gagged him, all wary of the kunoichi who they were _sure_ had heard and would turn around any second now. They held their breaths and hoped they'd spare their lives.

The thought 'please have mercy' seemed to cross all the males in the room as they waited for their judgement day.

'Sai?' Sakura's voice called, too sweet for comfort.

The boys lowered his gag so he could answer politely. 'Yes, Sakura-chan?'

'Please refrain from commenting for the next hour while we watch _House_.'

The response unnerved the males. They were certain they were only safe for the hour. This wasn't over yet. With an inward gulp, the males turned their attention back to the television, some wearing weary expressions or shaky smiles, others choosing to at least _look _emotionless. But they all shared the same thought:

_Must. Escape. Wrath._

Yes. Everything was fine. This was simply how they spent their quality time together on TV night: the boys fearing for their lives while the girls enjoyed their night together.


End file.
